Beyond Your Comfort Zone

Dr. Axa Yox reveals how calling something a "comfort zone" signals your brain that being unhappy is acceptable, keeping you trapped in unfulfilling patterns. She shares her journey from academic success through rock bottom moments to developing brain rewiring techniques that help people break free from self-sabotage and fear.

• Stop pretending and being a "good girl" – honesty with yourself is the first act of self-love
• Unhappiness is not comfortable, it's just familiar – our brain creates biochemical patterns we become addicted to
• Fear of failure is actually fear that no one will catch you when you fall
• Motivation doesn't work for lasting change – making your current situation unbearable does
• Our biochemistry works on three levels: hormones, initial assessment, and chosen response
• You can rewire your brain by shrinking negative reactions while amplifying positive ones
• The 30-day technique involves gradually increasing your tolerance to fearful situations
• Identify why you stay in toxic situations – usually it's about certainty versus uncertainty
• Life is shorter than we expect – the regrets of the dying include wishing for more happiness and authenticity

Check out Dr. Axa's book "Stop Calling it a Comfort Zone" on Amazon with a seasonal 90% discount. Connect with her on Facebook or LinkedIn to learn more about breaking free from what's holding you back.

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Chapters

• 0:50 Introducing "Is Your Way In Your Way"
• 1:47 Meet Dr. Exa Yox
• 5:55 The Dark Side of Comfort Zones
• 9:16 Hitting Rock Bottom and Rising
• 17:42 The Science of Brain Rewiring
• 29:14 Making Discomfort Your Ally
• 39:15 Fear, Failure and Growth
• 53:00 The 30-Day Technique for Change
• 58:34 Breaking Free From Toxic Relationships

Transcript

Cassandra: 0:25

Good day to all of my listeners and I'd like to welcome you to Is your Way In your Way podcast. And yeah, I'm your host. My name is Cassandra Crawley-Mayo and for many of you, you are aware that my book, my number one bestseller, is titled Is your Way In your Way. And for those new listeners, let me tell you a little bit about what this podcast is about. It's like you're stuck. It's like things that are holding you back from achieving your dreams, even some of your financial independence. You know you're stuck because you want to write a book too, you want to get a promotion, you want to get out of a toxic relationship. There's just so many things you want to do, but you are holding yourself back, and we're going to talk about that. We actually talk about topics related to personal improvement, business improvement, even personal business development as well, and so today I am so excited about this topic. Stop calling it a comfort zone, and who better to talk to us about that is my special guest, dr Axa Yox. Good day, doctor.

Dr. Axa: 1:35

How are you? Good day, thank you. Thank you for hosting me. I'm perfect. I'm in Miami, in sunny Miami. Oh my gosh, right before the holiday season.

Cassandra: 1:48

I know, I can just imagine a little bit.

Dr. Axa: 1:52

Well now.

Cassandra: 1:53

I thank you for coming out the orange room everybody. She was in the orange room and she's wearing orange today, so she got the memo.

Dr. Axa: 2:06

It's meant to be right.

Cassandra: 2:07

Exactly, Exactly. Now let me. I'm going to share a little bit about Dr Axa. I'm not going to always say doctor, but I might. I'm not sure. But you know what? I want to read her bio a little bit and what's interesting to me about her is she actually has a scientific background version and then she has a transformational version. But what I'm going to read today is her transformational version and I believe you're going to see a little bit or hear a little bit of how her scientific background may fall into this. But let me tell you she is a dynamic force in personal transformation. Only two years ago she stood in the shadows of her own fears. Now she's living a testament to the power of resilience, self-love and bold reinvention. This is going to be good. During her journey through adversity, this is going to be good.

Cassandra: 3:18

During her journey through adversity, Axa developed an innovative brain rewiring technique to conquer anxiety and procrastination. When she shares in her motivational book, her heartfelt story and practical insights, empowers others to overcome challenges, embrace change and create the lives that you've always imagined. Her book is titled Stop Calling it a Comfort Zone, but Uncomfortable to Be Comfortable. In other words, she called it a full-filled F-O-L. Full filled life. Wow, I can't wait to get into this, because this is what a lot of it's all about is our comfort zone, and she's going to explain based on the experience that she's had. So she's got actually qualified to kind of talk about this thing that we call comfort zone, and when this podcast is done, I know you guys are gonna say you know what I'm getting ready to get out of this comfort zone, whatever I wanna call it, but I've been calling it a comfort zone. Now, Dr Axa, if there was a statement on your website that was intriguing to me, it said 85% of people admit they live unhappy lives because they're afraid to leave their comfort zone.

Cassandra: 4:37

When I saw that, that was so striking, because one of the things I talk about is a nurse, a hospice nurse by the name of Bonnie Ware, and Bonnie Ware made a decision that she wanted to interview individuals who were transitioning and once she finished her interview, she captured what I called common themes, and they were actually five, but there are two that I want to talk about and we're going to talk about the three was the basic. I wish I didn't work so hard. I wish I would have spent more time with family. I wish I would have traveled. But the two that got me was they said I wish I could have been more happier, and the other one was I wish I could have been more true to myself, and that, to me, just blew me away and I'm like happier, what, what? So I'm like so let's talk about this for a minute. So I'm like so let's talk about this for a minute.

Dr. Axa: 5:31

So what is happiness for you? Oh, that's a nice question, interesting, I believe. Not stop to pretend. That was the first breakthrough for me, because we learn to pretend so many times. We are so conditioned to be a good girls and we need to break that. That's the first action of self-love that you can ever do to for yourself. Stop being a good girl because you it's a disservice, the best disservice that you can do to yourself. Why you are a good girl. It doesn't mean that you need to be a bad or the poor or a mean person, but the good girl or the good person as not outstanding.

Dr. Axa: 6:23

you just stop your progress and the growth why you don't want to achieve more. Stand out. Stop your progress and the growth. Why you don't want to achieve more, stand up. Because whatever we name and we assign some um association tool, that's how we perceive the thing. If we say that we are comfortable with being unhappy, unhealthy and unfulfilled, we signal our brain that being unhappy for us it's comfortable. We are fine to be unhappy, we are fine to be unhealthy and not living the fulfilled life. And then we are surprised that our brain sabotages us because we draw the line between where it's fine with us, it's comfortable, and what is the fear of? Whatever fear you have, fear of failure. You are not enough, people will not like you. Stop that. Yes, because life is shorter than we ever expect.

Dr. Axa: 7:30

I believe many people would agree with that. Yes, absolutely. Why not to live it to the fullest, like as many emotions and the feelings, and gather the memories? Because at a certain point you are not going to have that ability to create the memories and then that's all that you are left with, right?

Cassandra: 7:56

I love that, I love that and that's why I'm on this mission for us to start living our best life on our own. Because I am on this mission, because I don't for me, I don't want any regrets. I, know there was a minister by the name of Dr Miles Monroe who said the richest place in the world was the graveyard. Because that's what so many unmet dreams are, and I am just determined that I'm not going to my grave. Whenever I transition, I want my cup to be running over. I do not want to say I wish. I would have to say I wish I would have done this, I wish I would have done that. So we are definitely in tune. So let me ask you what was your life like before you embarked on this profound journey of self-discovery, because I'm certain you're going to talk about, I can't wait to hear about when you hit rock bottom?

Dr. Axa: 8:52

Oh that was a dark place. My life was so structured. I was in academia, so I knew perfectly how I start my day, how what's the next, step by step, and how I spend the evenings. Everything was so structured and I love that being not in control as being in control but still a predictability of what is the next to expect. And then I did 12 inventions and I decided that I'm ready for the real life. I quit academia to start my own business and I failed miserably. Not bad, I didn't hit the rock bottom. I think I even broke it Really Okay. Yeah, I was in a really very dark place because I went also through kind of the family issues as I lost my dad, then another life-changing circumstance in our family I wish never happened my personal trauma. I went through very dark times and that's the time when I was trying like hitting the rock bottom and trying to emerge. And every time when I would try to escape that darkness I would just come back and I realized that there is something that I'm doing wrong. The next time when I hit the rock bottom, I said I need to learn the lesson, otherwise I'm coming back again and again. And that's where I started to realize what are the habits and the patterns that I follow, unconsciously, that bring me back to that rock bottom? Because many people leave, they hit the rock bottom, they don't realize it and they continue living there.

Dr. Axa: 10:48

Pretending is one of the worst things that we can ever do to ourselves. We pretend we are happy, we pretend we don't want something which we want. We pretend, pretend, pretend because we are so conditioned to be good people. It's very beneficial for anyone but yourself. So if there is an option not to live the fulfilled, it doesn't exist. This word I created kind of for myself, because I that's what I realized we live fulfilled life as F-O-O-L Like. We fool ourselves, we pretend we are not very honest to ourselves. So we keep going and we keep living the life which is so not honest to ourselves. Why we do that? No one knows whether it's fear, whether it's environment, the society, which keeps us in this box and it's easier to control us. That's why we have these values that you have to be this, you have to be this, opposed to what serves you.

Cassandra: 12:04

Right. So, axa, when you were growing up, did you always have a desire to be in academia or or where you wanted to be? That because someone in your family like in growing up, what was it that you wanted to do? What did you aspire to do? I know when we're young, people say, what do you want to do when you grow up we don't really know. But yet a little bit we may think of some things like you know, like I wanted to be an anesthesiologist and you know stuff like that, but that never happened. But did you want to always? What was it about academia that was fascinating to you, or was it not fascinating?

Dr. Axa: 12:42

The funniest thing that, since being a child, I always was telling that I would become anything but a scientist. That was the funniest thing. Become anything but a scientist, that was the funniest thing. I became a scientist. I loved nature since I was a child. I always loved animals, like to work with them, and then I became a physiologist, like to know everything that happens in our body, that happens in our body, but I couldn't um, I couldn't commit to working with the animals because you have to do run the experiments with them, and that was no way for me. That's why I transitioned to microbiology, with the focus on genetics, because I really love what is the base of the life, how to read and how to interpret anything. That's why, every time when there is anything related to the science, I know the base and it helps me a lot. That's kind of how I found how to rewire our brain and the links that we have, and it is described in my book as well. But through going the like the stages in my life, though I didn't want to be a scientist, I became the scientist. Then I quit academia and I didn't.

Dr. Axa: 14:00

I never wanted to be a business person, because somehow I conditioned myself because that's what we are taught. Being in business it's selfish and all the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah things. Right Now I'm going through everything because I realized that, first of all, business is not a bad thing if you serve people, and I love to talk to people. I'm so good with that. I'm so good with that. I love if I can bring the value to somebody and make them to at least to go one step forward to help them with whatever issue they have. Why not? We are here to live, not the legacy, because it's a huge word, not for everyone, but still. I have that mantra and I live since many years with that do at least one good thing per day. Make just just for, for nothing like really help one person per day per day.

Cassandra: 15:06

Oh, that's awesome. I love that. I love that you know when you after you, when you hit rock bottom and it sounded like you didn't hit it just one time, there were several times. How did you get out of that?

Cassandra: 15:19

And because you talked about a little bit of the science of you and I told everybody in the beginning that you have a scientific version and perhaps you use some of that scientific knowledge that you have to rewire your brain because, like you indicated, when people hit rock bottom you have a choice you can be bitter or you can be better about it. You know, but you made. There was something within yourself that said you know what? I'm going to rise like a phoenix bird and I'm going to thrive and not just survive. So what did? Did you have to rewire your brain? And if so, how did you do that? How did you change those stories?

Dr. Axa: 16:29

Actually, I found the way how to make your comfort zone so uncomfortable that you don't even question whether you want to stay there or not. So that's the difference, because if you convince yourself that you need to be comfortable, to be uncomfortable, the chances that you will sabotage yourself are high enough, because we have all these habits built for decades. And then you just go back to the biochemistry which your body is used to and it's hard to rewire once you are kind of addicted, because we're addicted to our biochemistry. Let's admit that. That's why, if there is a stress, we just right away, we go for the fastest release that we build for ourselves as the release method, whatever it is.

Dr. Axa: 17:28

For some people they go for the funny videos, or they meet friends just to talk, or some people go with the sugar addicted, or whatever. But for me it was more the message that I wanted to bring to the world, especially for women who are in toxic environment, whether it's the relationship, whether it's the relationship, whether it's the work environment, whatever Toxic that they tolerate In their life, to stop it. That's my kind of the mission To help as many women as it's possible, because I was one of them and that's kind of unfortunate that there are not so many motivational female speakers who can really help each other, like to, to become a community, to inspire and to to push each other to lift each. But we are getting more and more to that side to have more females, female voices out there who tell their stories, because somehow females are more vulnerable and we feel ourselves so weak that we don't want to talk about our story, we don't want to share because it makes us to be even more weaker or to be yeah, or maybe we don't want to go back, but more you tell your story, because I was really in very dark place and that's 100 my mission to stop and to tell every woman you are worthy of love.

Dr. Axa: 19:21

Never tolerate the um, the toxic environment, whether it's work, relationship, whatever. Don't. Don't do that to yourself. You are more than enough. Just step up and continue. If it doesn't serve, you eliminate from your life. Life is so short and you are so worthy of whatever life will bring. The bright side of the life, the bright side of the life.

Cassandra: 19:49

Don't limit yourself to whatever you have versus what you can, right, and that's kind of where the comfort zone is. You're coming from, like our title. Stop calling it a comfort zone, and I believe many of us stay in a lot of things because we're comfortable, right, I mean, or, as you said, don't call it that, so stop calling it. So what should we start calling it? Because, you're right, toxic environments, toxic relationships, toxic workplaces. I always say other people can look at their situation and tell them what they should do, like, oh, I wouldn't be in that, I wouldn't do that, right. But for those who are in it, how do you work or talk with individuals? You know we can motivate them and inspire them. How did you get out of your comfort zone?

Dr. Axa: 20:50

How did you get out of your comfort zone? I just stopped pretending. I admitted to myself that I failed. I failed very bad.

Dr. Axa: 21:05

No-transcript. The truth frees you. It helps you to be free. And it's hard. It's not very easy because, first of all, uh, when you are at particular age, admitting that you kind of failed through so many decades and you are you you already lived most of the time, more or less like I don't know how long I will live, but at least half I already lived. And you are at that like point where you can admit that most of the time that you live, you pretended, you were not honest to yourself and that's why you failed.

Dr. Axa: 21:51

But you have the choice to be, to change how. You need to really realize what is the bigger picture that you want for yourself. If what you have at this particular point is what you want in the future, then continue. If you are unhappy, you really need to admit to yourself. It's not very easy. It's going to be hard, because we are so caught up in our brain. We keep pretending, we keep comforting ourselves no, that's okay. Or okay, okay, one piece of the cake, it's okay, it will not change. So we compromise so many things which are not serving us versus what needs to be really done, and it's not very easy. But what do we compromise? This, this is what we tolerate. What we tolerate, we choose. If you admit that I don't like this, but you tolerate that, do you choose that? Uncertainly, you choose not to change it. Don't get me wrong. There are some things that we cannot change. So we have to distinguish what we can control, what we cannot control. If you can change something, then change it. If there is like weather, we cannot affect the weather, so you cannot complain about the weather, just forget about it. We cannot complain about the politics, environment or anything, but we can change what we are able to change and that's what we need to do, because life is really shorter than you expect. Maybe per 24 hours, we live four or five hours a day. The rest is like we, we sleep, we do the things that we cannot skip and blah, blah, blah. So per day, 24 hours, it's not 24 hours. We have only, let's say, five, six, seven, depending on the person, that's right hours to experience per day and we just waste that time. Why do we do that? Because we are so conditioned that those are the mandatory the least, to do the least, like we have, then we don't have the time for ourselves.

Dr. Axa: 24:25

Self-love versus self-sabotaging, and perfection trying to be perfect. So I found for myself to be, maybe for somebody else. So are you trying to be perfect? Or you just created the fancy word for to, not to admit to yourself that you procrastinate? Because if you're trying to make it perfect, first of all, it's impossible. You just postpone executing, right? So if we keep creating the fancy words to mask the actions which are not serving us, we still stay in that loop of self-sabotage not progressing, not living the fulfilled life.

Dr. Axa: 25:18

And everything starts from just sit with yourself, have a pen and paper and start to write, draw whatever helps you. I always go with the boxes. That helps me a lot of times. Like I just draw the boxes, I put the name for the boxes and then I go with the arrows and I just draw the bigger picture that I want to have. So where I am and where I want to be, and then I just figure out what are the paths to achieve what I want to have.

Dr. Axa: 25:57

But you have to admit the negative sides as well. If you just keep ignoring, they don't disappear, they exist. You cannot pretend that they are not there, because if you have, if you need to go from one to ten, and you say, okay, I have one, two, three, seven, eight, nine, and you ignore four, five, six, four, five doesn't care that you ignore them, they will just come and hit you. They will come and hit you. You ignore me because you don't like me. I'll hit you even more because you have to sit, you have to solve the problem, and the more problem you solve, the stronger you become. Because for me, actually, I never was scared to fail. I don't know why. To be honest, for me, the definition of failure always was not trying, ah okay. But if I try, I was never. I was never scared to be embarrassed. I have higher tolerance of that. I can fail, I can ask the dumb questions and I can do the stupidest thing in the environment and people would be embarrassed for me and I was like why?

Dr. Axa: 27:12

don't take yourself so seriously. Leave it differently. Like bring the energy, bring the drive, become, yeah, the disruptor. Like stand out, show what is possible. Don't take things so seriously. I know it doesn't serve it's like give yourself grace.

Cassandra: 27:37

A few things you said is one that has been very helpful for me is control. If, like you indicated, the weather, if I can't it, you know, if you know that that sits well with me. If it's something I can't control, you know, and like you talked about politics and what happened with the election and all that, I'm like, well, I can't control that, but I did my part, you know. And another thing you talk about is like perfection, procrastination and that and I'm a perfectionist, I'm really not, but that's been my thing and I've admitted it and and I'm OK with it. And when I'm trying to be perfect, it's something that says OK, miss Perfection, so it helps me get things done, because I will, I will dwell on something for hours until I can get it just right, and then I'm wasting my day, you know. And so I see that it's kind of like I do things for protection, you know, trying to protect myself. So you know, I'm like, ok, well, I don't want to do that. Like I use comfort zone. Well, you know, I may be embarrassed, as you indicated, but you don't get embarrassed, like I can't do that, because what they may say or what they may do, you know. So it has to be, for me, intentional, like we're talking about rewiring your brain, like you use a couple of things. If you can't control it, so be it. You know it's no such thing as perfection. It's no perfect person. So know that, get over it and do the best that you can. We talked about self-sabotage. It's like protecting yourself because you think that you can't do something. You know. So we're in this mode. Like you said, we have to. Everything has to be right, and it's no right, it's it's well.

Cassandra: 29:40

Lately I'm wondering, when you say things have to be right, it's all about your perspective, I would say, and what I mean by that is I want to use I'm reluctant about using this example and I want to be. I'm just going to say it. It's just like the time when the guy shot the CEO of UnitedHealth Care and there's some people that think it was great, like he's a hero, and then there's some like but you don't need to kill anybody, you know, and it's all about. And then we, we, we get into this tizzy like how can they do that? Why would somebody do that? You know? So that helps minimize my stress, because I don't know why. I believe what he did was wrong. You don't kill anybody to just get to what you want. So I think it's like you talked about the mindset and rewiring the brain. And another thing you said is you talked about. You said motivation does not work. Right, like to motivate somebody. So if motivation doesn't work, what does work?

Dr. Axa: 30:58

I think moving from the fear is the best motivation I found for myself. Because if you are in your comfort zone and you signal to your brain that being unhappy is comfortable for you, the motivation will never work for you. Because you are comfortable, you admit it to yourself that the level where you live it's fine with you yourself, that the level where you live it's fine with you. So the motivation will not inspire you, it will just go with the spikes. You will go up, down, up and down, and discipline sometimes brings the burnout. And that's, let's admit it, because many people we are not disciplined since we were kids and it's hard for us to follow the discipline. What worked for me that's all that I can say it's just knowing that where I was, I didn't want to be in that spot and moving anywhere was better, okay, failing was fine with me, because I knew that unless I fail, I will never learn what are my limits, what I am capable of and what the world has to offer me. Because this is one point topic that I love to explore as well, because life is unfair and we have to, we have to accept that right, but we we talk about the unfairness of the life only when it's not in our favor. If, if everything is in our favor, we never say, oh, life is unfair. To somebody, we would say, but we worked hard for that and it's good, because life cannot be fair. Imagine you are as a student, you studied a lot and in the morning you came for the exam and the professor decided that life has to be fair and then he will just put a for everyone you who worked hard, studied hard, and then somebody who was partying, never went for the classes and blah, blah, blah, right. Or if we worked hard for the promotion, and then somebody who didn't, they come. So when there is unfairness, you can use it as unfair advantage for yourself, because there is no uh evenness, like sameness. You can stand out. This is how you can use the unfairness in the life to stand out and to change.

Dr. Axa: 33:51

Whatever is comfortable, uncomfortable, play, name whatever you want. We limit ourselves, even with the words. How do we call the comfort zone? Like? How to call it? Call whatever you want. No one limits you, right? You have the vocabulary. Open the dictionary and choose the word. Whatever you want, no one limits you, right? You have the vocabulary. Open the dictionary and choose the word, whatever you want, call it whatever is fine with you, which will serve you and help you with the progress. Motivation doesn't work for me, for me moving away from where I was worked for me because it was a nudge. I didn't want to stay there. I didn't want to stay there, I didn't want to stay in my so-called comfort zone, and that's what helped me. So just use your imagination, don't limit yourself. And when you spoke about taking life or killing how many people we have they live in toxic relationship.

Dr. Axa: 34:52

The person really takes your life your energy, your life and everything, but we somehow don't call it, uh, the person to be a murderer right because the murder is just only simply like when you murder somebody Right, why we don't call.

Dr. Axa: 35:12

When people take your life slowly, like really mean to you the toxic relationship. We tolerate that, but we don't tolerate when somebody kills the other person, right? And there is one thing that I want to mention as well. So a fear of failure is not that we are scared to fail, as we are scared that there is no one to catch us, so it's not that you are. It's, uh, when you admit to like there is no one close enough for you, like to be there for you even if you failed, right To love you, like when you are at the lowest point, that's when we are fearful of failure, exactly If you have the person who loves you at your ups and downs.

Dr. Axa: 36:13

They'll be there for you. They'll be there for you.

Cassandra: 36:17

Then you are not scared to fail right, right, you know I like this, this um calling it. Stop calling it your comfort zone. So what I'm hearing and what I'm understanding is, like my listeners, there are certain things that they want to do, but they're not. You know they can't. They're stuck, and many times they're stuck because of those limiting beliefs or they're they're, but yet what you're saying, what I'm hearing, is but they are unhappy. They're unhappy in that job or they're unhappy in that relationship, but they're in it because it's comfortable. Like I get a paycheck every every two weeks or whatever, so I don't, but I'd rather get weeks or whatever, so I don't, but I'd rather get. So they have to make a decision. Would I rather stay in something that I don't, like that doesn't make me happy, or should I get out? It's like what you're saying is they have to make that decision. How unhappy are you in that decision? Like, like for me.

Cassandra: 37:27

Like I wanted to write a book and it was me that was stopping me from writing the book. And what happened for me is I was uncomfortable, and did I wanna be uncomfortable all for the rest of my life, knowing that that was something that I should be doing because it was gripping me? And if I didn't do it, it would still be gripping me. So I guess it determines. Like you said, stop calling it a comfort zone. You need to start thinking about whether is this something that's going to make you happy, and that's why my first question was what's happiness, you know? Is it going to rather being something to make you happy or unhappy. So is that what we're talking about here? Stop calling it the comfort zone, Because I'm trying to figure out how can our conversation help somebody get unstuck and start doing what it is that they feel that they're ordained to do?

Dr. Axa: 38:24

I believe if you are unhappy enough, you will move. Okay, it depends also on the level of tolerance. Obviously, some people don't tolerate the tiny things. Some people tolerate. They have the big like the more tolerance. But still, if you hit the rock bottom you will move for sure. And if you are there for work, for the paycheck, there are so many other ways to get the money.

Dr. Axa: 39:01

So that's not why you are stuck with the job. No, you have to admit to yourself why you are working at that work. Because you think that you are not good enough to do something else. You are scared to take other risks because there are so many other ways to bring the money, to earn the money can you can go and sweep the floor and be happier versus to be in the office in the toxic relationship with your co-workers and and feel that toxic um environment every single day. So why you are doing what you are doing and it's not the as surface answer as you might even imagine why you are doing what you are doing if you are in that environment? Simply because you are scared to take the risk and to change. So on.

Dr. Axa: 40:01

Uncertainty is more fearful for you versus the toxic environment. This is your dilemma like uncertainty is your problem? If that's the problem, then you have to raise your tolerance to uncertainty, and that's that's something that you can do. 100. You have to make certainty so boring for you that you would crave for uncertainty. Everything can be changed. You have to just find a way, how to come to the point where you would admit to yourself.

Dr. Axa: 40:40

You will draw the line and say that's enough, enough is enough. When is enough is enough? Right? We all have been there. Enough is enough. Yeah, I don't continue. The next day you find yourself doing the same shit again and again Sorry for my language, but again and again sabotaging ourselves, going for the toxic work environment, blah, blah, blah. This blah, blah, blah becomes our life and unfortunately we live that every single day without stopping and admitting. I don't want this anymore, but we have so many daily routine and the responsibilities before our family and all that we cannot even admit to yourself. Why do you go to that toxic job If it is only paycheck? Find other way to get the money. It's not the paycheck, that's not true.

Cassandra: 41:38

That's not true. Okay, that's good, that's good. Let me ask you I want to talk about you just to ready anybody's behavior, and why would one want to? You made that statement. What does that mean? The biggest hack on how to ready anybody's behavior.

Dr. Axa: 42:05

It's why people do what they do. Okay, you have to understand what is the motive behind that. Okay, the real motive not like the same with the paycheck why people do what they do. It's not the money. Is that the their tolerance towards the unknown, not taking the risk? Why you sabotage? You don't go to the toxic environment simply because you tolerate that. No, your tolerance towards the uncertainty is higher versus you already know what to expect, even the worst, but you know the worst. Where is the limit that the that worse is versus? If you cross that limit, you don't know what expect there. But you have to trust yourself first. What is the motive why people do what they do?

Dr. Axa: 43:05

Once you find out what moves the person, what is behind their behavior, you will know why people do. If I know that you value the certainty the most, then I would know what is your next step, because you would do everything just to meet your need and to be certain, even if is not serving you. But you are certain. That's all that I can experience, and it is again the fear of failure. And it is not. You are not fearful to fail, versus that there is no one to catch you that's good, that that's good.

Dr. Axa: 43:49

So normally everything is kind of the loop because by nature we are not designed to be happy. By nature we were designed to stay safe. So our biochemistry versus is good or bad it does. It's secondary versus. It is very predictable because we have only particular amount of the biochemical molecules, like hormones and neurotransmitters, and they trigger particular emotions or the emotion they trigger.

Dr. Axa: 44:27

So the level for our biochemistry shift. We have three levels. So the first is we shift with the hormones. It is natural shift and no one can influence that because nature designed to keep us safe. Then there is a second level, which is neurotransmitters when our body assess the situation and it starts to produce neurotransmitters. When our body assess the situation and it starts to produce neurotransmitters to give you the information how you have to react. And this is the link towards the second level and the third level, which is again the neurotransmitters. This is where you can rewire your brain because once you assess the situation and you know, let's say, you have the negative emotions because you don't like it, you still have the option to change how you perceive the situation and start to synthesize, like to produce, influence your body to shift towards positive assessment and the how to rewire your brain between these three layers, which are designed by nature every person goes through.

Dr. Axa: 45:42

That is the first, which is the reaction of the body as the hormones. No one can influence that. The second is neurotransmitters. Once you assess the situation and you know it's not positive, it's negative, I'm scared, I'm fearful and blah, blah, blah. And then you have the option okay, I'm fearful, but I choose to act, to execute, to change something, and and between those two layers. This is where the magic happens, because once you break that and you stop feeding this, once you have the negative, stop it right away and start to multiply the positive as many times and at the same time, you just shrink the negative so much and you feed the positive so well it starts to nourish and to floor all the possible things. Then you start to replace the negative then. Then you go from your hormones directly to the positive. You are like okay I know that emotion I'm fine yeah

Cassandra: 46:50

so are you saying in other, change the narrative in your mind, right? I mean right, it's kind of like I'm like I'm always use myself for an example. Now I'm an entrepreneur, right, but I've always worked in corporate and I'm like I don't know if I could do this. And then I'm like, yeah, I can. I did the same thing in corporate. I was just working for somebody. So now I'm working for myself and I'll switch.

Cassandra: 47:17

I remember talking to somebody and you're having a down day or you're mulling over something negative and you say to yourself how would I rather feel about this situation? And then you start thinking about well, how would I rather feel about this situation? I'd rather feel really good, I'd rather feel happy, I'd rather feel that I'm in a good place. I'd rather feel that I am doing what I'm ordained to do. So, therefore, because of that, I get more energy, I'm happy, I'm serving. So if I think like that, then that negative stuff goes away, because I'm so busy thinking about the positive, what it is how I really want to feel about a situation. So that's kind of what you're saying. I believe and you will definitely correct me if I'm wrong is how do we talked about rewiring the brain?

Dr. Axa: 48:10

yeah, that's you need to. For me, once you admit the situation and you see as it is, it serves you because then you have the option to react, because being optimistic or pessimistic is the choice right, but being realistic is mandatory. You have have to be, because if there is a fire and you stay there and you are optimistic, no, it will go away. It will not go away. You have to move. So being realistic is mandatory. You have to know where you are, what you are capable of and, first of all, whatever you know and you can do, it's not limited. You still can change something, learn something new. You didn't know how to write and read before, right, you went for the first grade and you started from a.

Dr. Axa: 49:06

He's like. I disagree that. That's my own opinion. So you know this. But don't limit yourself. There are more things Once you fail. Failure is just only the limit, like the border, of what you knew and what is new for you and you choose. You stay on this side with what you knew and you are kind of expert, or you extend your expertise and you say, okay, now I want to try something else. Yes, you try, you don't like, you go back and then you try something else, you try something else. Yes, you try, you don't like, you go back and then you try something else, you try something else. I was in academia for 15 years. I was very successful, but then I started to learn business and then I realized that I'm quite good because I anyway love to talk to people. Mm-hmm Right, I was trying uh, sales and uh, the business and the marketing, simply because I wanted to expand my, my expertise and to see can I do that?

Dr. Axa: 50:25

because I was like I'm from academia, I don't know the sales. And then I caught myself and I was like you limit yourself, yes, that's right. And you never. You never tried how you can say that you don't know how to do if you didn't try.

Cassandra: 50:41

Right, right. So look, is there. So and-day technique that gave what you say 100 successful professionals to break free from their comfort zone.

Dr. Axa: 50:59

Yeah, so actually the technique is this. So, if you have the, your issue is the fear like fear of unknown, right? Is the fear like fear of unknown, right? So once you go through the technique of experiencing the situation when you are fearful, but the fixed fearful you still raise your tolerance because your biochemistry changes Every time when you have that feeling of the fear, your emotions, they trigger the change in your biochemistry. And first time when you are fearful, obviously you step back because that's your natural instinct to protect you, to keep you safe, right.

Dr. Axa: 52:08

But step by step, when you go for the fixed fearful emotions, you still change your biochemistry and step by step, gradually, you adopt, you raise your tolerance towards the fearful biochemistry and next time when you experience that fearful situation, your body is already accustomed to that biochemistry. So you don't go back directly to your so-called comfort zone to protect yourself because you already experienced, versus 30 days of fixed fearful biochemistry. Still, your tolerance raises towards that. Okay, okay. So why are flipping the certainty and uncertainty and experiencing something that you don't, you are trying to avoid? Then you raise your tolerance and that's how you change your. You adapt to the emotions that you need to progress if you are scared to fear, to feel fearful, then put yourself in the situation where you will. You can experience that emotions, but you have to do it gradually, all the time. If you skip, you will not adapt yourself. So that's the technique Step by step, every single day, go for the fixed emotions which will serve you in the future.

Cassandra: 53:33

Okay, so for my listeners, for those who want to change jobs, get out of a toxic relationship, want to write a book, want to start a podcast, something that they're like I indicated earlier, their soul is pulling them to do something, but they're just stuck in doing it. So, because of, probably, the fear of the unknown, so what they need to do, so what you're saying is they need to identify what it is that they want to do. That will make them happy, correct?

Dr. Axa: 54:02

They have to. So, simply put it's you have to make your life so known, so certain, that you would be sick of certainty. Then you will move, because once you start, we have the need for the known and unknown right. If you keep your life so certain, your body will crave for something new. Otherwise are bored. So make your life so certain, everything like cut every variety which brings that uh, emotions of a new, then you will board yourself to nearly death and you will move and start to experience the new emotions which will serve you in the future. Let's say you are scared, right, then you have to go for the fixed emotions which will trigger this fear and raise gradually your tolerance.

Cassandra: 55:10

I I hope I explained it. Yeah, I was trying to think like if somebody wanted to get out of a toxic relationship, let's use that example and the technique you would use for that Walk, that person that's listening through that situation, to help them get unstuck first of all, 100.

Dr. Axa: 55:39

You need to identify why you stay in that toxic relationship, because there is even new term which exists. It's economic marriage. If you stay in the relationship because of the financial perspective, then you have to find a way to become financially independent. If you stay in the relationship because somehow, I don't know how, you still love the person and you are addicted to a toxic relationship, then you have to work your way out to understand why you do what you do. What need do you accomplish with staying there? If it is certainty? If it is, what is that? What do you meet by that? What is the need that you meet by that thing with the person? Mostly, I bet 80 90 is the financial situation. That's why people don't quit. So find your way to make the money, to become financially independent, to work your way out of the relationship, because it's not worthy to stay there.

Dr. Axa: 56:55

It's scary but it's worthy it's scary, I will not, uh, say no, that's not scary. It's scary every single day you wake up when you are self-employed. You know yourself, you don't, there is no certainty in your life, especially if you are in the very beginning. But you bet on yourself, you trust yourself that you will work your way out, versus staying there and then, within after 10 years, regrets full of regrets, and there is nearly nothing that you can change anymore because you, together with staying in your toxic relationship, please remember one thing we age. We don't become younger, right? Yeah, you age. So if you age, at least age in the happy way, in the happy place, right?

Cassandra: 57:47

Right, that's good. That's good. Yeah, how can my listeners get in touch with you, because some of them may want to talk to you about them being stuck, and you can help them get unstuck by using that technique? How could they?

Dr. Axa: 58:03

get in touch with you. They can contact me on facebook or linkedin. I'm very active there and also my book is on amazon and I have the landing page. They can get the book, by the way, 90% off at the moment. Yeah, it's the seasonal, yeah, seasonal kind of the sales to try to help as many people as it's possible, because better society and healthier and happier society will live. We all benefit from that.

Cassandra: 58:34

Absolutely. Wow, that was good. And, guys, you got to get that book. Now it's a seasonal sale. Yes, it's a seasonal sale. Yeah, and Axa, I want to thank you for your time, for your wisdom that you've shared. It's even helped myself. I'm thinking about what am I not doing? Because I'm comfortable, and I'm going to get to that place where I'm going to get sick and tired of being that way and that way, right, and then I'm going to move forward. So thanks again, and my listeners, please share this podcast. If you like the podcast, please subscribe and hit like. Please subscribe and hit like. And again, this podcast will be on all social media platforms. And stop calling it a comfort zone, guys, and do what you are ordained to do, and you will have even more meaning in your life. Thanks a bunch, dr Axa. Thank you so much.