Is Your Way In Your Way?
Is Your Way In Your Way?
Conquering Stage Fright: Elma Linz Kanefield's Journey to Self-Aligned Success
Have you ever felt paralyzed by fear and wondered how to turn that into a stepping stone for success? Tune in to our latest episode where we feature the remarkable Elma Linz Canfield, a psychotherapist and life coach with a rich background in the performing arts. Hear Elma's compelling journey from aspiring Metropolitan Opera performer to overcoming debilitating stage fright, which ultimately led her to pioneer a groundbreaking psychotherapy facility at the prestigious Juilliard School. Elma's fearless approach and transformative message teach us that feeling scared and achieving greatness are not mutually exclusive.
Join us as we explore the profound impact of self-alignment and personal growth through Elma's expert insights. You'll learn about the "diva syndrome," how personality profiles can dictate our responses to stress, and the importance of breaking down emotional barriers for true healing. Elma shares a touching case study and emphasizes the significance of self-reflection and confronting ingrained behaviors. Inspired by her book "Hamlet's Mirror," Elma provides actionable steps for both personal and professional growth. Don't miss out on this episode packed with wisdom, actionable advice, and the inspiration to unlock your full potential.
Get ready to break free from obstacles and live life on your terms!
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Good day out there to all my listeners and I'd like to welcome you to Is your Way In your Way podcast and I'm your host, Cassandra Crawley Mayo, and for my new listeners out there, let me tell you what this podcast is all about. It's about unlocking your full potential. It's for those individuals who are stuck. For many months, maybe years, you've been certain about things you wanted to do. Maybe you want to write a book, Maybe you wanted to be in a play, Maybe you wanted to change jobs, do something different, but you just can't seem to move forward.
Cassandra:And we talk about topics relative to your personal development and even your business development, and these topics usually will enable you to reflect, to have a little self-reflection, what I call a self journey for yourself and introspectively, look into yourself inside and say aha, and let's hope that this podcast will change your mind, and you will take action. You have a pivot, you'll have an aha moment and that way that'll get you started to be on your way and start living your best life. And our topic today is titled Reach your Performance Potential. And who better, better to speak on this topic is my special guest Elma Linz Canfield.
Elma:Hello Elma, how are you today?
Cassandra:Hello Cassandra, I'm all the better for meeting you. Oh, thank you so much. I'm just so excited that you're going to be on this podcast today, and what I'm going to do first is I'm going to read your bio so that my listeners will get to know a little bit more about you before we delve into the questions. Her bio is Elma Lenz Kanefield. She's a psychotherapist, life coach and founding director of the Juilliard Schools.
Cassandra:The Performing Arts Schools Counseling Program Introduces actionable steps to help individuals realize their full potential in her book Hamlet's Mirror. As a former performer who overcame stage fright, Elma created Juilliard's pioneering on-campus psychotherapy facility offering confidential sessions to students. She continues to serve Juilliard as a consultant and maintains a private practice. She's a licensed LCSW and a CPC. Elma Hamlin's mirror distills her 35 plus years of experience counseling performing artists and clients. Her insights are applicable to anyone that means you listeners, anyone seeking to realize their full potential and she has been featured in the New York Times, time magazine and InStyle magazine and other major publications. Again, welcome to you, Elma, and I have a question for you. Before you started in the Juilliard School, before you started your performing, what was your backstory like? What was life like for you prior to that?
Elma:Well, I think I always performed as a kid.
Cassandra:Okay.
Elma:And I wanted to sing on the Stage of the Metropolitan Opera. But before that I went to the neighborhood playhouse and studied with a great voice teacher Stella Lieber. But here's the but. I stepped on the stage one night in the village in New York City, opened my mouth to sing to produce silence. It was extremely traumatizing, devastating, humiliating, and nobody could help me. Oh so I fled New York, fight or flight, and for 40 years I lived a different life.
Cassandra:Oh.
Elma:And at 40, I decided okay, I've got an education, Mm-hmm, and I went into private practice in the Midwest. Mm okay, we did a lot of performers in the city I was living in. I took my knowledge and my determination and my confidence, came back to New York and opened a private practice for performing artists. But people said you're nuts, Elma. But I thought, maybe, but you must try your dreams good lo and behold, nobody had a private practice exclusive to performing artists to perform as an artist, okay, okay.
Elma:So I was fearless. I was a little afraid, but I did it anyway, and that's what I want to tell women. You could be scared to death and do it. There's nothing wrong with being afraid. We're all afraid. Was I a little afraid of this podcast today? Not after meeting Cassandra, thank you, you know. We just got to say what's wrong with being afraid. What's, I question myself. What's the worst thing that can happen? Yes and how true is that?
Elma:yes so that's one of the things I want to talk to you about fearlessness. Okay, that's good, that's really good I opened a private practice which nobody had done and word of mouth got out.
Cassandra:Here I am, but you now, my understanding is your practice, was it at the school?
Elma:No, now my understanding is your practice. Was it at the school? No, I was at the practice, and then I was hired by the Juilliard School.
Cassandra:Oh, wow.
Elma:Side by side I was pretty good.
Cassandra:Yeah, because my question was how were you hired? How did you get the decision makers or the influencers to hire you? What do you think happened?
Elma:They put in an ad for nine hours at the Juilliard School God, this was in 1986. And after about three months I had seen so many students that I went to the president of the school and said this is not attainable. You either do this, this or that was to start an on-campus facility, which no independent performing arts institution had done, and he was so fearless.
Cassandra:Oh, wow.
Elma:That he said do you want to? He said do you want to?
Cassandra:And there you are.
Elma:I was fearless because I had no administrative experience.
Cassandra:I had worked at a counseling service at my college and I did have experience with performing artists. Right, right I said oh sure. Okay, wow, and that was the beginning and that was the beginning and that was the beginning. So when you were in New York and you said that you got on stage so you had stage fright oh, you mean years before? Yeah, you had that stage fright. And I believe you said the stage fright opened the doors for your calling, is that right?
Elma:Yes, I never looked at it that way. Thank you, stage fright.
Cassandra:Yes, isn't that amazing. And then it even got you to a point where you had to move and kind of deal with it, and then you became fearless.
Elma:Yeah.
Cassandra:Yeah, Now something else you said I thought was interesting, how your upbringing can kind of predetermine your career choices.
Elma:That's a very broad thought.
Cassandra:Uh-huh.
Elma:Because that, I think, one's environment, that's a nurture nature conversation. Okay, that's a nurture nature conversation. I think all of our environments.
Cassandra:Okay.
Elma:Impacts who we are and it's how we respond to our environments. And Hamlet's mirror my book.
Cassandra:Oh, right, okay. I talk about stress. And I talk about the six traditional kinds of stressors, For example there's social stressors and environmental stressors and financial stressors, financial stressors and relationship stressors.
Elma:Those are social stressors and anyway we can all say oh, I want less stress in my life, and, but there will always be stress in our lives. It's how we choose to respond to the stressors. Right want to talk about today is the power of conscious choice.
Cassandra:Okay.
Elma:When I say the power of conscious choice, what do you think of? Can I ask you the question? Sure.
Cassandra:Just your conscious conscious, not unconscious but what your thoughts are for the day. You know, it reminds me a little bit of that. That to me parlays into the performance potential.
Elma:Yeah right okay, talk about what I think about performance potential first, Okay. Okay. Okay, because that feeds into conscious choice also.
Cassandra:Okay.
Elma:We all have potential.
Cassandra:Mm-hmm.
Elma:And some of us want to reach our full potential. Yes, and the artists with whom I work for over 35 years have taught me that when we think about full potential in a different way, it helps us reach it. We can think of full potential as God. I've got to do this, I've got to do that. I've got to write my book. I've got to accomplish these goals by the time I'm 40.
Elma:Right, However if we think about full potential, as being the best person I can be and doing the very best I can do, knowing what I know at the moment of doing it, at the moment of performance.
Cassandra:Okay.
Elma:For example, can I share with your viewers and listeners what happened with us today?
Cassandra:Yes.
Elma:I could not get on the podcast. I figured out that it was because of Apple. I have an Apple product. That was part of the problem?
Cassandra:Apple computer yeah, she changed.
Elma:Yeah, yeah, she changed her perspective on it, consciously chose my performance potential following the link.
Cassandra:Right.
Elma:But I didn't know that we were on different kinds of computers and it wouldn't work. Did I reach my performance potential?
Cassandra:Yes, yeah, you did, but you could.
Elma:Knowing what I knew at the time of the doing, Knowing what I knew at the time of performance. Then Cassandra kindly called me and said I think we have some difficulty here. She rethought the issue, chose another way to think about it.
Cassandra:Voila. Yeah, that's right, and what was going on is that you had a different browser. Apple uses Safari and this particular platform uses Chrome.
Elma:Yeah, so we thought about it differently.
Cassandra:That's right.
Elma:We chose to think about it differently.
Cassandra:Right.
Elma:Conscious choice.
Cassandra:Exactly, exactly.
Elma:So we reached our performance potential. There was no kicking ourselves. Yes, clown on ourselves.
Cassandra:Yes, we kept moving forward.
Cassandra:That's right, elma, and I love what you said because it has a lot to do like you were relentless with your stage fright. You're like, okay, I'm going to have to go somewhere, deal with this, try to figure it out. And because we could not get on, you were behind the stage and I couldn't see you on this podcast. We could have very well said okay, or we could have used a different option, and then what happened was I was resilient. I was determined that we were going to be resilient. That's right, exactly, and that's how you have to be when we talk about performance potential. You have to be resilient. Don't give up. You know, keep, keep it moving learning new things without judgment, without.
Elma:oh, I'm a horrible person, oh I? Can't do this, when you build in the thought, knowing what I know at the time of doing, at the time of performance. You see, I also use the example of I have a son and I have really never changed a baby's diaper.
Cassandra:Right.
Elma:So the first time I changed his diaper.
Cassandra:Oh, my yeah.
Elma:My boy. Did I reach my performance potential? Yeah, I didn't know.
Cassandra:That's right.
Elma:The second time.
Cassandra:Nope, right. You knew no, right. You knew yeah, exactly, and you know and I love this quote, this is your quote you said when you change what you are thinking, you will change what you are doing.
Elma:Oh, that's my mantra. I think that when you change what you're thinking, you will change what you're doing.
Cassandra:That's right, that's right. It's kind of you gotta pivot your thinking, like, yeah, because the thinking dictates your behavior, because if something doesn't work, If something doesn't work, try it again.
Elma:You do something different. But before you can do something different, you must think something different. change doesn't come out of thin air. To go on safari, you had to think something different.
Cassandra:Yes.
Elma:You just didn't pull safari out of the air.
Cassandra:Right.
Elma:You thought hmm, what's going on here?
Cassandra:Yes, exactly, yeah, yeah, you know, I am curious. Yeah, your book. Yeah, where did you get why? I know there's a story behind the title. Oh Hamlet, where did that come?
Elma:from okay hamlet in the play shakespeare's play, right mused. It is our artists, after all, who hold the mirror up to life, reflecting us all. And in the book I have, I think to be exact, 136 reflections. They're questions that I ask. It's a very interactive book. I ask the reader that reflect the concepts that I asked the reader to reflect upon, and they can do these reflections again and again, and again and again if they're meaningful to them.
Cassandra:I do them Like. Can you give us a couple of questions Like what are some of the questions?
Elma:Okay, I'm going to flip through the book.
Cassandra:Okay.
Elma:Let's see, I want to get one that could be, could be.
Cassandra:How much do you feel rejection?
Elma:in your work. Okay, let's see another. How often do you honor your wants and needs? How often? How much do you know about your wants and needs.
Cassandra:Yeah, that goes back to the importance of self-examination and introspective right and covering personal obstacles. Yes, Right and potential breakthroughs.
Elma:How much do you settle in your life?
Cassandra:Yeah Right, that's right. So it's kind of like Elma, you have to do the work, you know you have to do the hard work and sometimes we don't want to face ourselves you look inside, but this is your book.
Elma:Nobody has to know about it that's right.
Cassandra:That's right now. This is interesting. This fits right into my next, next quote, because you've been in the performing arts and I have listeners that's not been there, but they have other responsibilities. And one of the things William Shakespeare said is all the world's a stage and all the men and women merely are players, and I love that quote.
Elma:What do you love about?
Cassandra:I love it because it's like we are on figurative stage. Stage, okay, and us, as human beings, we, merely are the players on the stage, and I don't see it being too different than an actor that you've dealt with, that you've worked with, that you've counseled, right yeah, in the bedroom, in the kitchen, in the courtroom.
Elma:If you're an athlete, if you're a cop on the beat, the more you're aligned with yourself, the more each of us know ourselves. The more pleasure we're going to get, the be, the more confidencemore efficient we'll be we're going to have. The more confidence we're going to have, the more fun we're going to have.
Cassandra:I still believe in fun Right Fun is good, so is this why some individuals reach their potential and some struggle.
Elma:Why is that? Over the years I've identified four personality profiles and the first two, the problem-den and the pugnacious, really, really struggle, and that's because they take everything personally. They see everything as impossible. They are so judgmental as quake, and they're most judgmental about themselves, of course.
Cassandra:Yeah.
Elma:And they live as if everything is an emergency. So I get a flight.
Cassandra:Okay, that's interesting and.
Elma:I call those two personalities that whole. I said they have the diva syndrome the diva syndrome.
Cassandra:Oh wow, that's what.
Elma:I nearly called my book.
Cassandra:The diva syndrome.
Elma:But it was so negative that I decided no, because the two other personalities, the promising performer and the potentially realized performer, really have a whole other life.
Cassandra:Okay. And would you say that individuals could be all of these at one time in their life? Yes, that's right. Right, yes, okay. And as a counselor, were there some commonalities with the actors, the performing art, individuals in that state that were the same that you worked with? Was it like you talk about fear? May have been one, you know, because you've had a lot of experience, I'm understanding, with entertainers. Is that right? Yeah, yeah, would you mind sharing some of those experiences, without telling the names?
Elma:You mean Well, in the book. I have case studies who are mingled and, strangely enough, people didn't want me to. They wanted to be front and center. But uh, confidentiality is a real value of mine, sure, and should be of any clinician exactly um, I have case studies. I think my favorite case study is someone who was really judgmental, he and trusted no one and he came into my office because he was bitter and you know he never really. He had a fluid presenting problem, it's called. He had a fluid presenting problem, it's called.
Elma:And he came into my office and criticized this and criticized that, and I had a little dog whose name was Diva.
Elma:That is true, and she used to sit in the office. And used to sit in the office and this guy had a beautiful sound. I knew who he was on his instrument and he was just an unhappy person. And I saw him for a couple of years. I mean everything my clothing, my photographs, my. So I just listened and listened and listened and really it was a very slow therapy until one day Deva wasn't there and he said where's your main jimat? And, very unprofessional of me, a tear ran down my cheek and he said she died, didn't she? And he began to weep and we wept together.
Elma:And he began to weep and we wept together and it broke his wall. Yes, why? Something I did in an unprofessional way.
Cassandra:Yeah, made a difference.
Elma:Made a difference and we talked about how nobody cared for him and the therapy unfolded.
Cassandra:Wow.
Elma:That was one of my favorite therapies.
Cassandra:Yes, that's great, that's great.
Elma:Go figure.
Cassandra:Yeah, yeah, never know that touched him. That's great, go figure. Yeah, yeah, never know that touched him. That's what it took. He made a pivot Heart to heart. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, one little tear, yeah. And you know they say people change when it touches their heart. Yeah, that's what they usually say when it touches their heart, you know something.
Elma:We're sent to school to learn how to think. We aren't sent to school to learn about feelings. I have a section in Hamlet's Mirror, my book, about feelings. I am really proud of that section.
Cassandra:Yeah, because we don't talk about feelings. It's too vulnerable. You don't want people to know we're human. Yeah, yeah, that's right Now the practice that you had have.
Elma:You still have practice. Yeah, I practice on Zoom all the time.
Cassandra:But still you're performing students or other individuals. No, not Juilliard students, OK. Ok. Now what do you think triggers them to come to you, like that gentleman that came to you? Is it just that they've had enough and they've heard word of mouth? What gets them to you? What motivates them?
Elma:to therapy, Relationships, professional problems. They're human. I often ask the question are you a performing artist? That's a human being? Are you a human being? That's a performing artist? That really stumps many of them. They have to work that out therapeutically.
Cassandra:Right, okay.
Elma:If you're a lawyer. Are you a lawyer who's a human being or a human being who's a lawyer? How do you define yourself?
Cassandra:That's good.
Elma:Am I a therapist, slash coach, slash author, who's a human being, or am I a human being who's? I think that's a valuable question for everyone.
Cassandra:Yes, it is, Because you know, when people, when somebody says well, tell me about yourself, or doctor , or I am, I am, I'm an author,you do, they always say I am a doctor and I'm a, but that's not who you are right. We're human who have been given that gift are right. We're human, have been given that gift right To be an author, to be a musician, to be an attorney. Yeah, to bless other people. But people always use what they do as who they are. That's right.
Elma:Yes, how true is that I love that question. How true is?
Cassandra:that, yeah, and if our listeners think about that, I'm sure that they do it as well, so hopefully this is something that will enable them to like hmm okay, I love it when people go that's right. That's right. So how does applying those principles of performance potential help people excel in their professional pursuits and personal lives?
Elma:Well, they're easier on themselves. They move forward.
Cassandra:Okay.
Elma:Goodness, so I'm learning this. All right, I'll bake another cake.
Cassandra:Mm-hmm. Okay, I'll bake another cake. Okay, right, that will enable them to excel right performance potential, potential performance that's the name of this podcast. Reach your performance potential. potential performance that's the name of this podcast. Reach your performance potential. That's right. Could you describe a few actionable steps? These are for my listeners to realize their potential that you used in Hamlet's mirror. Like what are some actionable steps my listeners could do?
Elma:Well, change what you're thinking. Don't take things personally. Have a judgment-free way of thinking. Think possibilities way of thinking. Think possibility thoughts. I can, I will. Choice. There are five choices. I'll go through them quickly. I will remain stuck. I will remain a victim. Oh my God, really, that's a choice and in making a choice, it's empowering.
Cassandra:Yeah.
Elma:I will change my perspective. When you change what you're thinking, you will change what you're doing. I will change myself. I will be the change I want in this world reflection going inside. I will accept the situation. I will leave the situation. I'm beginning Okay.
Cassandra:Five choices.
Elma:We always have them. Five choices Okay.
Cassandra:Yes.
Elma:Listening Listening listening we hear. When we hear things, we're waiting, waiting to impose our own agenda. When we listen, I'm with you, wow listen, I'm with you.
Cassandra:Wow, wow, profound, Profound. And when these individuals, knowing what their choices are and they're struggling to get to those choices that's going to elevate, excel, their professional and personal lives, what should they do? What are some suggestions they could do? Because, remember, a lot of these behaviors have been with people for a while. These behavior because they're so used to being judgmental, critical, or that's a part of who they are- I'm going to go back to Hamlet's mirror. Okay.
Elma:Because the reflections in the book can really help you and I'm talking To you, those who are Viewing and listening yes, they can really help you Figure your Question out. It's not a simple this or that it's not a simple this or that. It's going inside and reflecting on who you are, what you need, what you want, that's good. Again the choices. Do you want to stay stuck? Do you want to accept? Do you want to change your perspective? Do you want to change yourself? Do you want to leave?
Cassandra:Right, wow, what a great resource. So, as we close this podcast, Elma, you have provided some insightful ways and strategies, and the resource, to get is the Hamilton's Mirror book. It definitely sounds like that is a phenomenal resource for individuals that are ready to move forward, ready to start living their best life, ready to elevate their lives, their personal lives, their professional lives. How can they get the book and how can my listeners get in touch with you if they would like to get the book?
Elma:how can my listeners get in touch with you if they would like to get the book on amazon okay yeah, very easily, both in kindle and in the paper book.
Cassandra:Paperback on the hardcover yeah not hard, Not hardcover Paperback.
Elma:Yeah, they can. My website that's ElmalinzKainfieldcom.
Cassandra:Uh-huh, yes, okay, okay, great. So, my listeners, as I always say, if you find this podcast to be of value, I plead with you to share it and this podcast will be on all podcast platforms. And again, I want to thank you, Elma, for elevating this podcast, because you've given ways on how what I say the name of my book is Is your Way, in your Way. So you found out that many of the things, the principles, the choices that we made, we're in our way. So let's use this resource Hamlet's Mirror to start getting out of our way. Okay, and thank you again, Elma, all my listeners, bye for now and God bless.
Elma:Thank you.