Becoming a Friend With My Mind

Are you seeking inner calm and joy amidst life's chaos? Are you looking to cultivate a peaceful mindset and find genuine happiness? Join me as I share the solution to finding joy in life's chaos and uncovering inner peace. Let's dive into the journey of unlocking tranquility within the chaos.

Sondra Harper, an author, yoga teacher, and mindfulness advocate, has spent over 15 years practicing daily meditation. Her journey, which includes triumphing over cancer, anger, and self-doubt, has led her to embrace the transformative power of mindfulness and self-inquiry. Sondra's teachings center around the four noble attitudes - friendliness, joy, compassion, and non-judgment - guiding individuals to cultivate inner calm and find joy in life's chaos. With a focus on unhelpful thought loops, anxiety management, and resilience, Sondra's insights provide a refreshing perspective on becoming a friend to oneself and navigating the complexities of the mind.

Choice is better than no choice. - Sondra Harper

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Break free from self-imposed barriers and unlock your true potential for success.
• Experience the profound benefits of mindfulness and self-reflection, transforming your daily life.
• Discover the life-changing power of yoga and meditation in finding inner peace and balance.
• Develop emotional resilience through breathwork, empowering yourself to navigate life's challenges.
• Uncover your full potential through spiritual practices that bring joy and fulfillment to your life.

Benefits of mindfulness and self-reflection
Sondra Harper highlights the transformative power of mindfulness and self-reflection in finding joy amidst life's chaos. By practicing mindfulness and engaging in self-inquiry, individuals can cultivate inner calm, enhance self-awareness, and navigate challenges with grace and resilience. Through these practices, one can unlock a greater sense of peace and fulfillment in their daily lives.

The resources mentioned in this episode are:

• Book a free discovery call with Sondra Harper through the website forattitudes.com to explore private coaching sessions or Vishoka meditation programs.
• Check out the book The Four Attitudes by Sondra Harper for insights into mindfulness and self-inquiry practices.
• Join the upcoming Vishoka meditation session on April 18th, which will be available both live and online, to experience the benefits of meditation and yoga practices.
• Explore the possibility of attending a retreat in Greece or War Ghost hosted by Sondra Harper to immerse yourself in mindfulness and self-reflection in beautiful locations.
• Connect with Sondra Harper through the website forattitudes.com to learn more about how meditation, yoga, and mindfulness practices can help you overcome self-imposed barriers and live your best life.

Chapters

• 0:19 Introduction to the Podcast
• 1:13 Becoming Friends with Your Mind
• 7:20 Cultural Perspective from India
• 12:50 The Power of Breath and Mindfulness
• 16:01 Benefits of Yoga
• 17:26 Aharna Pranayama and Coming Home to Self
• 18:51 Observing Behavior and Self-Reflection
• 20:09 Mitigating Negative Self-Talk
• 21:10 Daily Self-Care Routine
• 22:13 Realizing Full Potential and Taking Action

Transcript

00:00:19
Good day, everyone. Welcome to the Is Your Way in Your Way podcast. I'm your host, Cassandra Crawley Mayo. For those new listeners out there, I just want to share with you what this podcast is about. It's about individuals who are ready—I mean really ready—to move forward in their lives, individuals who are stuck.

00:00:41
You know, there's something else you would like to do, but you've not been able to do it. So, therefore, you know, we want to mitigate those self-imposed barriers preventing you from living your best life on your terms. And we talk about topics related to business and personal development and also topics that will enable you to self- reflect. Today, we have a special guest on, and the title is, How Do I Become a Friend with My Mind? And I think that is unbelievable.

00:01:13
A friend with your mind. And you know how the mind is, right? It's like a battlefield. So I'm looking forward to hearing all about this. And our special guest is Sondra Harper.

00:01:24
Hi, Sondra. Hi there, Cassandra. Welcome to is your way in your way? Thank you so much for having me on your podcast. I sincerely appreciate it.

00:01:35
Yeah, it's funny because we were talking before we came on board listeners. I'm Cassandra and she's Sondra. Some people call me CasSondra. And so they asked the question, are you Cason or Casan? And I always say I'm Casan.

00:01:50
When I saw her name, I thought about what people always ask me. Well, let's get into the podcast. I want to read a little bit about Sondra so that you get to know a little bit about her background before we dive into the interview. Okay. Sondra is an author, a yoga—she calls it Yogini, but I can say yoga—teacher, and a fervent advocate for transforming lives through mindfulness and self-inquiry.

00:02:25
Her journey spans over 15 years of daily meditation practice, a long, happy marriage, nurturing two wonderful children, and triumphing over cancer, anger, self-doubt, and anxiety. The cornerstone of all her teaching lies in the four noble attitudes—friendliness, joy, compassion, and nonjudgment. Wow, this is going to be real good.

00:02:58
We are definitely going to find out how to become our friend with our mind because the mind plays a whole lot of a whole lot in regards to being stuck and these self-imposed barriers, these negative self-beliefs, and all of that. And she, and she also has like, what I call signature topics. She talks about unhelpful thought loops, practicing friendliness, managing anxiety, being your authentic self, also being resilient in any circumstance, and break breath work and meditation. So, Sondra, before we get really deep inside of what Sondra is about, I want you to share your backstory. Like, what was life like before your journey in yoga and mindfulness?

00:03:48
What was going on then? Oh, well, I. You know, I've always been a seeker, and so I've just been fascinated with how the mind and the bodywork, and I think I was searching for something I've been in. You know, I was raised Judeo-Christian, still practicing, and so I have that background with my folks, and that was always real. That's always been helpful as a base for me.

00:04:21
Okay. So, did your cancer and your anger and self-doubt have anything to do with you pivoting over to mindfulness and yoga? Yeah, it's like, how did I just. I guess I was just feeling. Feeling a lot of anxiety and fear, especially when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, because I was like, oh, I don't want to leave my children, and what do I do?

00:04:49
How did I overcome this disease? And, you know, I sought a path that was introspective and looked at my own thought patterns and behaviors and identities, as opposed to looking externally for something to fix me. Right. So you realize it was something internal. Yeah.

00:05:15
Okay. Okay. Now, um, you know, when I was reading about your experiences when you visited India.  Describe that.

00:05:25
You know, when I was reading that, I don't know if you're familiar with the book called Eat Prayer and Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Your trajectory somewhat reminded me of her. You know, she had. I think she had gotten a divorce, and so she decided just to quit her job and, you know, go to India. She went to many places to, like, to find herself.

00:05:50
So, what was your experience like when you visited India? Well, my first time was in 2011. I went to the Mahakumba mela, which is on the banks of the Ganges. It's in Allahabad.

00:06:07
And I guess it was eye-opening. First of all, their culture is very different from ours. Second, just seeing different cultures always upends the identities you have around how life should be or how other people should be. So it softened me in a way I wasn't aware I was hard. Like, you know, people live on much, much less there.

00:06:37
You know, we use a bathtub full of water. Yeah. And that in some places in India, that bathtub full of water might be water for somebody for an entire week. Wow. So, okay.

00:06:51
Give some perspective on just how blessed we are to be in this country. We have fresh drinking water. You know, we're safe for the most part here. We can buy groceries. We can get to the grocery store.

00:07:04
There's food there for us. There are many programs for people who may not have enough food or water. And it's not like that at all over the world. So that opened my eyes. Just the cultural aspect opened my eyes.

00:07:20
And yet, even though some of them might, I noticed, had been very poor, they were so happy.  They were unencumbered by all of it, and they just were so grateful to have what they had, and. Yeah.

00:07:36
So that touched my heart and positively impacted me.  So, what made you go back to India? Like, you didn't go just one time?

00:07:52
Because I have a teacher. His name is Pandit Rajmani Tiganayat. He is the spiritual head of the Himalayan Institute in Pennsylvania. They also have grounds in Khajiho, India, and they take groups to India, to sacred sites, and to practice meditation and mindfulness.

00:08:14
So I'm curious to. You have an interest. You talked about him, Elaine. What made you interested in that? What piqued your interest in meditation?

00:08:26
Yeah.

00:08:31
I guess because I was like, oh, you mean I can apply concepts and principles to myself with my breathing and focus my mind to be calm, clear, and tranquil and. Mm hmm. It will transform me. And I thought I was gonna do it. I'm gonna get out of my mind.

00:08:48
That isn't helpful. And, okay, so that was. I want pain, right? Mental pain is what made me want something different. So that's what meditation gave me.

00:09:02
It did that which nothing else can do. Meditation introduces you to yourself. Mm hmm. Yeah, I'm often, you know, hearing about meditation for years. And I have no one to teach me.

00:09:16
You know, I would look at it on YouTube or read about it, and I would try to meditate, but my mind, I was like, oh, my gosh. My mind was all over the place. And, you know, and people, you know, would say, well, if you can stay focused. And it's amazing what meditation will do for your mind, your body, and your soul.

00:09:36
Why do some people have problems meditating? Did I need an instructor or to be trained on it, or. Why is that difficult for some? Well, I needed help. I needed an instructor and a systematic way, step by step.

00:09:53
And I also needed. What's other people who were trying to do what I was doing, trying to calm their mind. It's like the monkey mind that goes everywhere and does everything. How do you get that monkey under control? Right?

00:10:07
Exactly. So in other words, I need to be trained. Training helps. Okay. Okay, cool.

00:10:17
Could you expand on the four attitudes? I'm really interested in friendliness, joy, compassion, and nonjudgment. And I'm certain that relates a lot to how I become a friend with my mind. Well, and that's, you know, that's what my book is about, is that oftentimes, we think of friends as external. But becoming friends with your own mind and your own inner self—you know, that's a gentle process.

00:10:51
It's done through time and systematically. And, like, sometimes just being nice to yourself can help in the moments when you might be like, oh, I'm not doing this right, or, I don't understand that. Oh, I can just be kind to myself. Okay. Okay.

00:11:08
You have to excuse me. That's my fur baby in his cage. But he's howling. I guess he's trying to get my attention, yours, and my listeners'. So this isn't the first time my listeners have heard him, and it may be the first time for some of them.

00:11:25
So how do you become a friend to yourself? I know we have friends, but how does that happen?

00:11:38
Well, how it happened for me is I learned how to breathe properly. And you might think, well, why does that have anything to do with friendship? Well, because there are only three things that are with you from the moment you're born until you take your last breath, and that's your body, your breath, and your mind, and learning how to link your mind and your breathing together. The mind is elusive, and it can move all over the place, and it does a lot of things, and it thinks, and it rotates. But your breathing is something that's really intimate to you, and it's right here, right now.

00:12:10
Everybody breathes, right? So I learned how to breathe properly. That was the first step. Okay, so once you breathe properly, how does that help you become your friend?

00:12:26
Become a friend? Then you can slow your mind down and start to be with yourself and ask yourself, okay, who is the one of me who needs the most friendship? Why is friendliness important? What does it actually mean to be friendly to myself? So it's a.

00:12:50
It's like you can get some space. Mm hmm. And what we know about, what I know about my, you know, when, let's say, we're highly emotional or we're really down on ourselves, it's always. It's good to consider what you're breathing and doing in those states. Mm hmm.

00:13:14
Like, are you holding in. Are you exhaling and holding out? Are you not breathing very much? Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

00:13:26
So you inhale, but you exhale, maybe anger, wariness, or self-doubt. You can do that as well. You sure can. Okay, let go. Right?

00:13:39
You can let go. So, it contributes to emotional resilience. Absolutely. You got it? Mm hmm.

00:13:48
Okay. Okay. Connects you to yourself. It connects you to the present moment so that you're not in your memory or your past or your future. You're right here.

00:14:00
Okay. So. So doing that transforms your life. It does. Okay.

00:14:06
Little. Little by little. A little becomes a lot. Okay. So in what ways has your life transformed?

00:14:14
And I'm asking because perhaps the meditation, we haven't spoken about yoga yet, but how does that transform your life? When you do those things, what happens? I just become kinder to myself over time, and I also become more aware, and I'm able to meet situations with more resources. I become more resilient. So, if something happens in the external world, I might have difficulty.

00:14:47
I can move through it with more grace. So, yeah.

00:14:56
You talked about how you can learn a lot about yourselves through the work that you do. So what have you learned? What will people learn? Do they learn how to learn, maybe who they are, why they like them, or how to get unstuck? Or what do people learn about?

00:15:19
They learn learn how to get unstuck. It gives them some space between some of their unconscious patterning or behaviors that they might have, both in a business or in a personal life, in a relationship. It gives them space so they can have maybe more awareness around it, which we know is choice is better than no choice.

00:15:48
That's fascinating to me, so I'm just being quiet. Well, tell me about yoga. I know a lot of people who do yoga. And what are the benefits of doing yoga?

00:16:01
Well, I mean, there's health benefits because you slow your breathing down, and your central nervous system can calm down. So then you're not in that fight or flight situation with your nervous system, where this kind of frenetic situation is happening constantly and you're not aware of it. So it can. It can slow that down. It can slow, you know what?

00:16:30
If you have racing thoughts, it can help. And I would just invite your listeners just, like, breathe. It can slow thoughts down. You're able to, like, okay, I can make a different choice when maybe in the past you had made one choice because you weren't calm. Mm hmm.

00:16:52
Okay. I remember when I was going to therapy. I've been going to therapy off and on for quite some time, and I remember my therapist telling me that one of the things that I should do is come home to self. And I never really understood that. And I'm hopeful that, you know, when do you tell a person that, and why do you tell a person that?

00:17:17
And how do you, how do you come home to self? Why would you say that?

00:17:26
We have a beautiful practice called aharna pranayama, which means coming home to yourself. It brings your awareness of yourself right back to the present moment, and you're breathing. So now all of you is back, rather than just all out thinking and thinking about what's happened in the day or what happened in the past. You're back home, and your home, as I understand it, is within you. Mm hmm.

00:18:04
So when she said come home to self, I should have come to my physical home and maybe started doing a breathing exercise or meditating. And that brings me back to myself. It's one way to come home for sure. Yeah. Because I thought I was being myself.

00:18:26
So I just, you all, you are being parts of yourself always. We're always being ourselves, right. To the best of our abilities. Right. So.

00:18:37
So why would somebody say that to a person? It's time for you to come home to self. Like, what? What characteristics are people doing to make someone say that to them? Like, why would you say that?

00:18:51
Like, you said, you went to an institute or somewhere where they say, come back to yourself. Why would people say that to a person? What are they, what are they observing about that person? What behavior is that person having for somebody to say that? Hmm, that's a good question.

00:19:11
What do you think it is? I have no idea. I don't know. That's why I was asking. Well, you know, there's all the things that happen to us and all the things happening around us, and sometimes we can get really tied up and in the external world and coming home to self would say, okay, I'm going to allow the world to be whatever it is, and I'm going to come back to my own heart and mind.

00:19:55
So, how does one escape unhelpful thinking? You know, we have this negative thought. So, what are some things that you can do to mitigate negative self-talk?

00:20:09
Breathing helps, as does practicing the four attitudes. So what's interesting is that gratitude and friendliness are like the antidotes to animosity. I just recently taught a retreat called Alchemizer Life, and it was all about the things that create contaminants in our minds, and one of them is animosity.

00:20:39
And so when we practice, okay, I have these thoughts. This is happening. How do I, um, use friendliness and compassion in my daily life? Well, first I say, you know, I'm grateful to be human. I'm grateful to have a life and start with gratitude.

00:21:03
That's the very first step. What are you grateful for? Okay. Okay. So how do you start your day?

00:21:10
Like, what's your daily? Safe self care. Okay, I get up and I brush my teeth, and then I go. I move my body a little. Just a little bit of movement.

00:21:27
And then I sit down and I drink some tea, and I say, thank you.

00:21:36
Thank you. And I practice meditation by just breathing deep. Sometimes I just sit there and breathe and just. And if my thoughts arise, they just arise. I just stay back with my breath.

00:21:50
You know, it's not so much that I'm trying to do or get anywhere. It's more that I'm just being with my breathing. Okay, so you do all of that before you. Before you start your day? Yeah.

00:22:05
Okay, so that's. That's your self care. Okay. Okay. Well, I have one more question for you.

00:22:13
And you talked about an institute that you've gone to, and you said that when they go to this himalayan institute, that people realize their full potential when they attend. Right. And one of the things that I focus on with my clients, and when I speak, I talk about unlocking your full potential. When people find out what their full potential is when they go to that institute, what do they do with what they've learned? Do you know of anybody that's done anything based on realizing what their full potential is?

00:22:54
I wrote a book, and even my friend Shanti attends the institute. She opened a yoga studio. She does a lot of selfless service in her communities. Jeff Abella does a lot. He lives at the institute, but he also serves people in Africa.

00:23:21
They have farms, so they've done a lot of different things. So, full potential. Wow. Yeah. And that's the himalayan institute.

00:23:36
It's in Pennsylvania, and they have all kinds of yoga and practices there.

00:23:46
Okay. So it's basically yoga and meditation that he addresses or he practices. And as a result of that, people realize what their full potential is. Sure. Some of them do, yes.

00:24:05
And some of them, maybe they go with a broken heart, and that helps them overcome that. Okay. Okay. All righty. Well, I'd like to thank you for your time, and I want to share with my listeners if there's anything that Sondra said that you believe is valuable and, you know, friends, you have people that, you know, the meditation and yoga and everything.

00:24:32
Do you have? You said you do. Did it facilitate a retreat? Do you have clients, or how do you get individuals engaged in what you do or do you. Yes, I do.

00:24:47
I have both private sessions, private coaching sessions for this. And then I also do Vishoka meditation, which there's one in April that I'll do. It'll be both live and online. That's the 18th, so. Okay.

00:25:07
And then I host retreats in different locations when we're doing a retreat in Greece, a war ghost this year. So, are there any words or wisdom to share with my listeners who are stuck and are not living their full potential not living their best life on their terms? Anything that you could share that would help them get out of their way? I would say find somebody doing or being the way you want to be and get help. That really was helpful for me. For example, you could talk to Cassandra or a teacher or someone who has a program that you want to be a part of. Okay.

00:25:51
Okay. And how can people reach you? They can go to the four attitudes.

00:26:00
And that's. And there's a book. There's a book here. Book a call there. They can book a discovery call with me for free.

00:26:06
Okay. Okay. Well, thank you, Sondra. Before we end this, I just want to share with my listeners that you know how to contact Sondra, especially if you need meditation or want to talk about yoga or any of those things she gave you. The.

00:26:24
It's called the Four. What's the name of the book? Four. The four attitudes.

00:26:32
Okay. Well, Sondra, thank you so much, and I wish you the best in your endeavors. And my audience, thanks for listening, and bye for now. God bless you all.